Thoughts on the year

Here I am reflecting on my birthday today and what that means. I find myself perplexed at all the challenges this past year has brought and hopefully can mentally file them here.


In the midst of so many highlights, I did have some lowlights. I had some goals this year that didn’t work out. I may have won Sailor of the Year, but I did not get promoted to Chief. I failed. I wanted to run 1 hour 30 minutes in a half marathon. I finished in 1:31. I failed. I wanted to bite my tongue in a few situations and not talk negatively about anyone because character is of extreme importance to me. Instead I (sometimes) joined in the rumor mill. I failed. The good thing about all these goals I did not meet, the ones I failed miserably at and the ones I barely missed, they do not define me. They are not my identity. It is my hope that (hopefully many, many years from now) my gravestone doesn’t read like this – Here lies Eric Bryan, who never made rank and never ran as fast as he wanted to and sometimes talked bad about people. I’ve never read an obituary that was full of things that person never had.


In all my interactions with people this past year, it has built within me a desire to help others who are struggling with their failures to be set free. To help, I offer this. What reality are you looking at? What is your truth? In my studies, I have been looking at two different worlds in which people live, both titled reality.


The first is a reality that is all about acquiring power and protecting power. This is a world based on fear, guilt (I did something bad), and shame (I am something bad). Fear can show up in many different ways. It can be seen as anger, envy, not being able to forgive, and perhaps jealousy. Essentially it comes down to you did not get what YOU wanted. I’m not going to lie, it hurts. Living in fear hurts the soul, the mind, the heart. It just hurts.


Sometimes putting one step in front of the other to try and move away from the pain is the toughest thing we have ever done in our life. Part of my growing up in the last 15 years in the faith is that I wanted a systematic answer for every situation. In some cases, I had to force an answer. Why couldn’t I just leave some things to the mystery of God being larger than my thoughts? For example, sometimes it is hard to see God’s goodness when it is incongruent with a stillborn baby or a random earthquake that wiped out hundreds.


The second reality is living in a world of service, forgiveness, and thankfulness. It is about assessing reality correctly. Here, we live a life based on love for one another. This is a place that we realize that we don’t have to have all the answers, but are able to find that when situations arise that could be labeled bad, we stop and think first. We don’t define it on our own terms, but rather seek how we should respond.


How one responds is a reflection of that person’s character. I believe that good character is not letting circumstances affect you responding in a humble, loving way. Not to say I am going to be sort some of Christian divine doormat for you to step on, but rather, even if I am more powerful than you or the most powerful person in the room, I won’t think of myself as the most important. The reason I can do this is because in this reality, I can be confident in who I am, what my value is, and instead of trying to prove myself to you, I can enjoy and learn from you, encourage you, and in the end of that approach, we have both grown and matured in the process. I’m not afraid to be me and not afraid to let you be you. It means I will try and speak courage and goodness into your life, away from standards prescribed by the first reality.


So there are a few of my thoughts reflecting on the past year. Have a blessed day!